99 Reasons But The Republicans Ain't One

True, that title makes no sense, but at least it showed that I'm down with the hep kids. Courtesy of Hill n' Beltway mavens FishbowlDC we have a dispatch from what Andrew Sullivan called "The Special Olympics of Comedy": Washington's "Funniest Celebrity Contest," held last night at the Mayflower Hotel and featuring Americans for Tax Reform President Grover Norquist, Slate's John Dickerson, Congressman Brian Baird, D-Wash., Adam Schiff, D-Calif., the previously-mentioned (and reputedly bearish) Sullivan and DC Mayor Anthony Williams(rejected title for this post: "Washington's funniest celebrities are neither funny nor celebrities. Discuss.") Excerpted from Fishbowl DC's thorough round-up of the event is this gem from California Congresswoman Linda Sanchez (who is a Democrat, natch):

"Top Ten Reasons I Don't Date Republicans"
By Congresswoman Linda Sanchez

10. The only time they believe in fiscal restraint is when the dinner bill comes.
9. His idea of getting to second base is fondling my stock portfolio.
8. He thinks that Emily's List is a call girl service.
7. His idea of oral stimulation is getting me to recite the Contract with America.
6. He thinks that white pantyhose and pearls are sexy--and you should see what he wants me to wear.
5. Because when Republicans say that they want to create opportunities for minorities, that means they want to date me and [her sister] Loretta.
4. Despite all the hype, I still can't find his weapon of mass destruction.
3. His pending prison term for political corruption is just another excuse for him to be emotionally unavailable.
2. Republicans are only interested in screwing the poor.
1. Because they make love like they make war: they lie to get in and don't have a plan for what to do once they get there.

In related news, that doesn't bother too many New Yorkers.